Human Beings, Not Handbooks
All leaders will have experiences with employees who are making personal improvements and moving up in their careers. These employees are great at what they do and are good cultural fits with your organization. Then one day it all falls apart. You aren’t sure what, but something has gone terribly wrong.
HR gives managers rules, policies and procedures to deal with situations like this. There is the first warning, probably verbal in nature. Then there’s the second warning, which may be written in nature. Then there’s the dreaded last chance.
At some point in our lives, we succumb to management by the handbook.
Remember the employee handbook? You know, that document that was created to deal with the lowest common denominators who happen to make it through your hiring process.
Outside of the death of a loved one, or something of that nature, you’ll find that most of your solid employees will rarely open your handbook. They’ll definitely be nowhere near any of those policies when it comes to discipline… unless something in their life outside of work is turning their life upside down. These are unique situations and require both your heart and your mind.
Before we get started in this chapter, we need a reminder to be human. If an employee has been an important part of your team and something suddenly changes for the worse, take a moment and remember this story about Mike.
Trouble At Home
When Mike started with our company, he looked a little bit rough around the edges. Mike was covered in tattoos, rode a motorcycle and had chains hanging off his belt. He was the kind of guy that had an intimidating stature. I happened to be part of the group that interviewed him to join our company. Despite the appearance, Mike had kind eyes and was really a genuine person if you could look beyond the facade.
Once he got settled, Mike improved steadily and moved up in the organization. He was making more money. He had more responsibility. He was treating people well and everyone loved working with him.
After a couple of great years with us, there was a little buzz around the office that Mike and his wife had been having some difficulties at home. Mike loved his wife more than anything in the world. He would’ve even given up his motorcycle for her. Apparently, she had met another man and had decided to leave Mike. He was trying everything he could to try to continue the relationship, but at the end of the day it still fell apart. And so did his job performance for us.
Don’t Start With the Handbook
We had a young manager in our company who was Mike’s immediate supervisor. This manager was relatively new to the organization and was following the pathway of the employee handbook to a “T”. First a warning for attendance, then a warning for quality related issues, and then finally a written warning which indicated more serious consequences were on the horizon if the problems were not fixed.
It was inevitable, when a situation gets to this place, HR and/or the manager are coming in to speak with me about the next ”more serious consequences.” As the leader of the organization, I usually choose to put a little bit of pressure back on the people following the procedures that we have in front of them. Don’t get me wrong, procedures aren’t all bad. In fact, they can be very useful when dealing with certain situations and employees.
Too often, the mistake managers make is taking the rules, policies and procedures we write for the lowest common denominator and apply them to what are our very best employees under unique circumstances. In this case, Mike’s circumstance was in fact unique.
Ask A Human Question
I decided to ask this manager and our HR leader a very human question:
“Is it true that Mike’s wife has left him? Could what’s going on with his work performance be directly connected to that?”
All of us in the room knew the answer, but no one was willing to speak when the question was asked. You see, the answer to this situation isn’t as simple as it might seem on the surface.
We’ve been trained as leaders to not get personal with our employees, to not ask questions. Personal lives are personal, and none of our business. While there may be some truth to these statements, overall, I find them to be a copout.
If a good person is having problems at work, and you know they’re facing difficulties in another part of their lives, you certainly can ask questions in the right way to get to the bottom of the problem.
Is Everything OK With You?
I asked the supervisor and HR to sit in with me as I called Mike to the office to speak with him. When Mike walked in the room, I thought he might cry. He saw the three of us sitting in the room together and immediately assumed the very worst about his job.
I stood up and looked him in the eye and said to have a seat.
“This is about your job right now.”
Mike sat down, and I proceeded to talk to him about his performance. Both how his performance had changed and how we hadn’t previously seen any issues with him since the day he started.
I let him know that he was important to us, that what he did inside of our organization really mattered and that we needed him back. Then I just asked Mike a simple question,
“Is everything OK with you?”
It was at that moment where Mike started to break down. He told us how he showed up at home and all his belongings were in garbage bags in the front yard. His cell phone contract had been canceled and he was locked out of his bank accounts. At this point in his life, he had a motorcycle, the cash in his wallet and all his possessions in garbage bags.
Stop. Just think about that for a minute. Feel it. It’s a hard thing to imagine, let alone watch. A tough looking guy humbling himself and telling you about the lowest point in his life.
At this point, the handbook and disciplinary process didn’t matter. The supervisor and HR were only observers. The conversation to me became very natural, almost like I was talking to a friend. Sometimes I question that. Employees? Friends? Who knows? There are times when a Threads leader interchanges those things and maybe that’s what leads to moments like this.
Get Things Right
When Mike was done talking, I said that I can’t imagine how he feels right now. I truly couldn’t. I asked him what exactly was going on? Where was he living? How is he getting by?
Then I told him this:
“I’d like you to take the rest of the week off (it was Tuesday). It’s paid and won’t count against your vacation or sick time. I want you to take some time and get things right. Then I want you to come in on Monday and give me an update.”
Put yourself in Mike’s shoes. He needed a new phone plan. He needed to make living arrangements and possibly figure out what’s happening with the kids. He needed to go get groceries. He needed to take care of the necessities in life and to get his feet under him.
“I want you to take some time and get things right. Get a new phone. Make living arrangements. Talk to a lawyer and understand what the divorce papers say, and what your rights are in a situation like this. These things can take time, and sometimes it’s better to have time away from work to deal with them and focus, to get yourself straight.”
And then I closed the meeting with this. I told Mike again that,
“You are important to us and what you do matters to our team. We care about you and we want the best for you.”
Mike stood up and I put my arm on his shoulder. I told him good luck and to call me if he had any questions. If not, we would see him back on Monday ready to get back to work.
Technically, what I had done was not following the rules and policies set forth in our handbook. What I did was treat Mike like a human being.
You hear leaders talk about how much they value our employees and how “our people are our greatest asset”. They call their team a family. It is in moments like this with Mike that it’s your responsibility to make these words of reality.
Welcome Back Mike
When I came into the office on Friday morning, not Monday as planned, I noticed that Mike’s motorcycle was parked in the parking lot. On my way in, I walked by his workstation and said hello. I asked him if everything was going OK.
Mike asked if he could come down to my office and talk to me in private. Mike came in and closed the door. And then he said this,
“I got everything taken care of that I needed to. I appreciate the time that you all gave me. I can’t believe that you actually paid me while I needed a couple of days to get my life right.”
Then there was a long pause and Mike’s lip shook just a little bit. He said,
“Did you know that you’re the first person in months that told me that I mattered? You are the first person that told me that you cared about me and that I was important. As much as I appreciate the time off to get things straightened out, and I really did that, I can’t tell you how much it meant to hear that from you.”
I’m not at all ashamed to admit that Mike saying that made me a little teary-eyed myself.
I’ve Got Your Back
After our conversation, I thought it would be good to reconnect with the manager and HR to tell them what happened. The policies and procedures were guiding us to move Mike out of the organization. Treating Mike as we would hope to be treated, brought him back stronger and more committed to our company than ever.
The most important part of that conversation went like this,
“Our rules, policies and procedures are guidelines. Your responsibility as a leader in this organization is to make your own independent judgments when it comes to your people. Always, to the very best of your ability, treat people as family and human beings amongst those rules and policies.”
“I want you to be comfortable coming to me with any questions about circumstances like this. And I want you to know this too… I will always have your back as the leader of this organization, when you are attempting to do the right thing by any of the people that work here.”
Don’t Hide Behind The Handbook
Mike got his personal life back together in short order. He continued to move up into the organization and was back to being himself at work.
Think about Mike's story the next time you notice your managers, HR or maybe even yourself breathlessly chasing the policies in your handbook, instead of using our human instincts to lead people the way we know we should.
The remaining sections of this chapter cover a framework for each of the most common situations I have seen, where life happens to the best of employees. In these cases, a policy will not be enough. You will need to use your humanity and skills as a leader to help bring these people back on track.
These situations include:
Troubles At Home - coming soon!
It’s easy to hide behind a handbook and say, “I’m sorry. My hands are tied.” I’m asking you to have courage and not take the easy way with your people. I promise you, there will come a time down the road, where things like this will be the true judge of the person you became and what you accomplished as a leader.
